


Thinking Things Through

by Sangerin



Category: Abbey Girls - Oxenham
Genre: F/F, Special Friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-14
Updated: 2007-05-14
Packaged: 2017-10-02 21:51:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sangerin/pseuds/Sangerin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'How many times must I convince you all, I never felt anything for Brian!'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thinking Things Through

**Author's Note:**

> (Set after Damaris' wedding, during "Song of the Abbey". References a major storyline in _Damaris at Dorothy's_.)
> 
> For [](http://debodacious.livejournal.com/profile)[**debodacious**](http://debodacious.livejournal.com/), as a thank you gift *g*

Mary Devine found Rachel sitting out on the Abbey garth after everyone had gone home. The family party had danced for the wedding of Brian Grandison and Rachel's younger sister Damaris, but even with all that jollity, Mary knew that this first night of Damaris' new life would be a difficult one for Rachel.

'May I come sit with you, Rachel?' she asked softly.

Rachel looked up. 'It's so beautiful out here in the mooonlight,' she said, 'and so different to just an hour or so ago when we were dancing.' She made a move to get up. 'Should I fetch you a cushion, Mary-Dorothy?'

'No need, I can get it myself,' replied Mary, going into the little room in the Abbey walls where they stored cushions and rugs for just such occasions. She brought out a big yellow cushion and dropped it on the garth next to Rachel, and then arranged herself comfortably on top of it. 'I hope you don't mind me coming to visit,' said Mary, slowly. 'You've had a long day. But I thought...'

'You thought I might be lonely and feeling sorry for myself, with Marry gone away,' finished Rachel. 'It's not as though it's the first time we've been separated,' she said. 'Damaris went back to Dorothy's and I stayed here at the Abbey, and then when she went back to dancing I stayed here on my own. You came to keep me company that night, too,' she added.

Mary smiled. 'I know it's not the first time,' she said. 'But it's different, isn't it?'

Rachel nodded slowly. 'It's for good this time. She has Brian to look after her, now. Marry doesn't need me any more.'

She turned away, and Mary was frightened for a moment that she had caused Rachel to lose her composure and begin to cry. Then Rachel turned back to her.

'Don't worry, I'm not going to cry.'

'I'd understand if you felt you had to,' said Mary. 'Weddings are tear-inducing things, it seems. Maid kept creeping off into odd corners after Joy was married the first time; and I cried myself when Biddy married her Etienne. And I hadn't nearly as much reason to cry over Biddy as you do over losing Damaris. For you it will be a real change.' Mary paused, uncertain of how to go on. 'Ray... it's not. I know we've all asked you this before, but you're not, well, jealous of Damaris? Or missing Brian yourself.'

Rachel laughed. 'How many times must I convince you all, I never felt anything for Brian!'

'But you're older than Damaris - it would be expected that you would marry first,' said Mary, determined to have this painful conversation out.

'I sha'n't ever marry, Mary, I've known that for years. Maid of Honour to Damaris is the closest to a wedding I"ll ever get, and it's the closest I ever hope to get.'

'Are you sure?' said Mary.

'Oh, Mary!' said Rachel, catching at Mary's hand. 'I would have thought, of all of them, that _you_ would understand.'

Rachel's gaze was frank, and Mary caught her breath at the intensity of it. 'Oh.'

'Don't worry about me, Mary. I went to pieces over someone once, many years ago. It was a horribly hard lesson, but I've never regretted it, not once I'd picked myself up again. Because I went to pieces once, I know how not to do it again. And I'm happier and busier now than I've ever been.' Rachel looked straight at Mary. 'I'm perfectly content here in the Abbey. Looking after it and the tourists, and looking after Nanta Rose and Jansy and the twins and all their troubles keeps me more than occupied. I have the publishers wanting me to try my hand at a second school-story, and I'm sure to be an Aunt sooner or later. I like my life, truly I do,' she finished.

'Ray, you are plucky,' said Mary.

'That sounds like something Lady Jen would say.'

'It's true, though. To have thought things out to that extent, to know that about yourself, and then to simply keep on with life...' Mary paused.

'Isn't that what you've done?' asked Rachel, dropping Mary's hand.

'Not exactly,' said Mary. 'I've never gone to the bottom of things like that: I was already old when I met Jen and Joy, and they woke me up. But that part of life seemed to have already been settled before I was woken up, and so I never...'

'Mary, have I shocked you?' asked Rachel. 'I didn't mean to. I thought you'd already thought all this out.'

Mary laughed. 'It seems I'm doing all my thinking at once. Ray - do you mind being alone tonight? I'd meant to offer to stay here with you, but I need my little sanctuary tonight. Joy and the others won't disturb me.'

'I'm sorry, Mary.'

Mary shook her head. 'I think in time I shall be quite glad that you said what you did.' She stood up and shook out her skirts. 'Don't stay out here too long, Ray. It will get damp soon. We can't have our Abbot getting ill.'

Rachel stood up and began to gather the cushions. 'Sleep well, Mary.'

Mary leaned over and kissed Rachel lightly on the cheek. 'I should be saying that to you, Rachel. Sleep well, dear.'


End file.
